Family Tales I've Collected
Over The Years...
No Offence To Anyone.

Please find the fun intended in the following tales. All are offered in good faith with NO intention to be offensive...

ELIJAH FLEMING - Clinton Fleming, Sol Fleming and Hassell Johnson visited with Elijah to talk to him about going to church. Lijah let them talk all they wanted to and then said, "Well, I know I should go to church, but there is still one more thine I need to do." Someone said, "What is it uncle Lijah?" He said, "Well... there's still one more man I have to kill."

"BLOOMER" JOHN FLEMING - One year he was planting his garden and lost his favorite pocket knife. It was a big tree brand booker and he had filed an "X" on the bolsters. The next year he was plowing his garden and found his knife. The knife still exists and is in very good shape.

In the late 40's Grandpa John struck real bad with arthritis. He couldn't work. He still had four kids and Grandma at home to support. In 1949 he received a $720.00 grant from the UMWA to be paid monthly at $120.00 for six months. The arthritis finally went into remission and he lived a somewhat normal life for the next several years. He went back to work in the mines and tended gardens.

CHAN FLEMING - Sol and Lois Fleming decided to have the kids pictures taken. Chan, their son, had always been afraid of the county doctor and nurse. Just as they made it up a long flight of wooden stairs to have their picture taken, the photographer said, "Did we get a good shoot!" He was talking about the picture just taken. Chan thought they were going to give him a shot and ran down the stairs and almost to the road before his Dad could catch him and explain that it was only a photographer.

JOHNNY BELCHER - Clark Johnson was staying with Freelove and Lincoln Johnson. Johnny decided he wanted to grow real big. So Clark told him to go out and rub cow manure from the barn all over him. Johnny wanted a mustache also. Clark told him to go the chicken lot and rub chicken manure on his upper lip and it would grow fast. When he came up on the portch, Freelove said, "Johnny... what's on your lip." He had got sick and all he would say was, "chicken..." and then he would get sick again. Freelove threatened running Clark off for pulling the prank on Johnny.

OGG JOHNSON - Ogg owned an old car and for some reason the headlights wouldn't work. One night he and his wife were crossing a mountain and it had gotten dark on them. So Ogg put his wife in front of the car with a flashlight to light the way. She did good till she saw a car coming and when she ran to the edge of the road, so did Ogg and nearly wrecked. They got back on the road again and they were almost off the mountain and the brakes begin to heat up on the car. Ogg couldn't hold the car back, it kept getting faster, and faster. Edith tried to stay in front and hold a light. Finally the car was about to run her over and she ran off the edge of the road... Ogg followed her and wrecked the car. She thought he was just trying to run over her.

Grandpa Kennis Johnson once told about Ogg having a diarrhea. He was up and down all night sick. Their Dad would yell at Kennis to get the pot for Ogg. Over in the night Kennis got tired of getting up and down so much. He figured out how to stop this. He filled the pot with hot ashes from the fireplace. Sure enough, they yelled for Kennis to bring the pot. Ogg was in a hurry and just sat down quickly on the pot (now filled with ashes). I reckon the steam just about burned him up.

JOHN EMANUEL BOYD - Manuel and Martha Boyd raised three girls. When it came courting time, naturally the boys came calling. The two oldest girls boyfriends showed up together one night. Manual was questioning the boys about who they were etc. He asked the first one what his dad's name was... he said, George Washington Mullins. He turned to the other boy and said, what's your dad's name... he said, Abraham Lincoln Johnson. Manuel probably thought the boys were making this up. But it was actually their father's names. Lincoln's son is my father-in-law, Jack Johnson, who married Phyllis, the daughter of Manuel and Martha.

UNCLE JEFF FLEMING - Daniel Johnson recalls when Uncle Jeff used to preach. Many times in growing up Daniel would mock Jeff's preaching. When they would play church, Daniel would be the preacher. He recalls Jeff preaching one night, and when he got up he said, "Well, anymore a one cannot preach the Gospel for the young people. They're just not interest in the Word." Some young people were sitting in the back of the building and were sparking and flirting with each other and Jeff said, "Two of those in the back are mine... and they are hotter than pepper." Then continued his preaching.

Jack Johnson and Daniel Johnson both recalled this event. Years ago the church would meet at different places for services and sometimes everyone would bring baskets of food for the dinner on the ground after the services. This particular gathering took place in Boone Gap. A high gap that borders Letcher and Pike Counties, KY. Crossing Boone Mountain from the Letcher side there was a stump on the left side of the gap. They all gathered in the Gap and Uncle Jeff was preaching near the stump, he made a gesture and said, "Just as sure as there is a knot on this stump..." When he said that he slapped the knot on the stump. Jeff found out quickly that it wasn't a knot at all, but someone had used the bathroom on top of the stump. He lifted up his hand and said... "Who in the (blank) messed on this stump!" He didn't say blank or messed. He almost broke up the church gathering for that day. Everyone wanted to laugh but was afraid to.

JOE BRANHAM - My family used to visit Joe and Sis Branham frequently. Joe usually kept his favorite dog tied to the foot of the bed. Joe would always brag about how good the dog was and what all he could do. He would prove how tough the dog was by kicking it very hard. One day he was showing how tough the old dog was and was going to kick it. The old dog apparently knew what was coming. He jumped out of the way just at the right time. Uncle Joe kicked the bed rail and almost broke his leg.

GARTH JOHNSON, LESSIE AND LOIS FLEMING - The kids were generally taken to the field when too little to hoe in the garden. These three were close in age, so they were left at home during the day while everyone else went into the field to work. They were just old enough that their favorite past time was having church. They had been in the field and had gotten restless and were sent home. They were to go to the house and start the fire in the stove for supper. Garth had given Lois a pretty little white cat that they had named "snowball." When they got home they were hungry and a bowl of butter was sitting on the table. They were going to eat bread and butter. Lois had dropped some butter on the floor and the little cat was near the table eating it. She picked up the butter dish and dropped it and it struck the little kitten across the neck and killed it. They cried and cried. When their parents came home from the field they had it laid out on the sewing machine and was still crying. They kept it up two or threedays and was finally threatened with a whipping and had to bury it. They cried for several days after it was buried. They dug it up two or three times. Occasionally Garth's brother James would preach for them. They all thought he was really good. They had a funeral for the cat. The boys would preach and the girls would cry. One day they were having church over a little chicken that had died. And James was reallying preaching , the girls were crying and carrying on something terrible. James' mother, Thelma heard all the comotion from the garden and thought something had happened terrible at home. After she ran to the house and saw nothing was wrong, she wanted to whip all of them.

BILL RAMS A RAM - Bill Fleming, s/o John Fleming. Poppie (Grandpa John) had an old ram and a few sheep in a lot. The boys would have their daily chores to do and while they were doing them around the barn and pasture, they would aggravate the old ram. He was tough. If you aggravated him he would threaten to ram you. One day Bill got over in the lot with the old ram and began to paw and scratch the ground and challenge the ram. Naturally the other boys pumped Bill up to take on the ram. The sparing went on for a few minutes, then all of a sudden the ram charged toward Bill and nearly knocked him down. Never again did anyone challenge the old ram.

STUBBORN MULE MEETS MEAN BOYS - Clinton and Bow Fleming took the old red mule and the fodder sled and was going upon the hill. The old mule refused to go. He just wouldn't pull the sled. Bow told Clinton to go and get a bundle of fodder and bring it to him. "I'll put him up the hill." Bow said. When Clinton returned with the bundle of fodder, it was real dry. Bow put the fodder under the belly band of the old red mule and stuck a match to it. The fodder burned fast. The old mule took off with his tail up in the air. He ran until he completely destroyed the fodder sled. The mule finally ran into the barn and was still on fire. They had to go and put out the fire. It burned the old mule on both sides. Poppie (their dad) found the old mule nearly dead. Someone told him what the boy had done and he threaten taking the belt to their hide. But the old mule never refused to pull a sled another time.

BEST FOOD CAME FROM KITCHEN WITH DIRT FLOOR - Bow Fleming remembers. Old man Jarve Burkes had put out a big garden and when hoeing time came he struck real sick. Back in them days we always called it a working. Word got around and Poppie (John Fleming) and some of us boys went to help hoe his garden out. We started early one morning. Little did we know that Rosaline was cooking dinner for us. I remember their house well. Her kitchen had a dirt floor, and it was as clean as a pin. Now, part of the house had a floor in it, but the kitchen didn't. I wouldn't much over 8 or 9 years old, but I had my own hoe. They hollered for us to come and eat, and hey, I eat... and I eat. I eat till I couldn't make it back to the field. I even asked Poppie what made her food so good. I tell you, it was the best I had ever eat. Rosaline always smoked a pipe. So Poppie said, "the only thing I know is that when she is cooking she turns her pipe over and lets the ashes fall into the food."

BAILEY JOHNSON - Many called him "Bail". When you talked to Bail he always had a saying. Sometimes he would sigh and say, "Oh, Well..." Jake Johnson remembers a tale about Bail. One year he had sold some fruit trees to the neighbors on Long Fork. They should have been cherry trees. During the next few years the trees grew and bore apples. Some of the neighbors began to complain to Bail and he said, "Oh well... this year they made apples, maybe next year they'll make cherries."

KENNIS JOHNSON - Until a few years before his death he could tell how to make "moonshine" and "who-shot". He could relate every detail from start to finish. Many times he would tell of the revenuers cutting their still and being taken before the squire. But he would always say, "Never stayed one day in the jail." He recalled many fights and shootings over bootlegging. Once I asked him had he ever killed anyone. He said, "No, I never did. Came close once. Me and another man was fighting near Booger Holler and I pulled my gun to shoot him. I shot at what I thought was him. Shot a hole clean though his coat. When I knocked him down, his coat had flew open, and I shot through his coat."


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